Recently, the child comes down to parental responsibility for the success of the article overwhelming, it really is the parents fault? Increasingly high demand for children, how to be a smart mom? Sohu wise mother mother and child lists 10 things not to do, we condemnation, to see if they are good at heart insight and understanding of the real needs of the child, whether the "Times."
1. Always ask me "Auntie pro, or pro-mother?"
With increased competition for jobs, the daily care of the child entrusted to the nanny's mother more and more extreme example, a child can not see two days a week. And found the child emotionally dependent on nanny, but also inevitably jealous. Front of the children showed the behavior of critical nanny, or choose to have children: "pro-mother or pro-aunt?" There is a foreign white-collar workers as the son too "sticky" nanny, nanny after another for four to compete for any the child's "emotional ownership", the results become particularly confused-year-old son timid, afraid of the dark, no sense of security.
Opinion: re-dedication of the nanny, are no substitute for the mother's role in child development. No matter how busy mother with children should be guaranteed access to 45 minutes a day to an hour, then the mother should turn off the phone and get immersed in the children's innocence for the environment you provide. To know not only the children benefit from parent-child interaction, mother is also a beneficiary - it makes you remove the mask of experience, character show his happiness.
2. I always said as kids next door
Ten comparisons escape the cycle of mother of eight, from whom the child looks white, high stature, to the children who will learn to recite poems Song; from the children who passed grade 8 piano, calligraphy to children who Japan exhibition ... ... End of mothers with the ear biting, back to see their own cowardice normal child, inevitably anxious Fire Attack heart ramble. 6-year-old boy was not happy how his family upstairs had such a "role model": 6:30 am, upstairs in the little girl has to sing an English song; 10 pm, upstairs in the Piano Etudes still patiently played in, the same is 6 years old, is also a university teacher of children, others stronger than my daughter, how the son of so many? Mothers face the son of strict supervision, and one side can not help sighing: I have a sweet daughter just fine. 6-year-old boy that one day He finally choked completely nagging mother: "Do you want to do the upstairs daughter Wang Jing, Wang Jing upstairs I want to do my mother a mother, Wang Jing mother than you people beautiful, than you have learned! "Mom's face can not help but become white.
Point of view: it can be said, love the mother has a hopeful comparisons look into the phoenix's silly women, precisely because of their children to indulge in the illusions future, she will become a perfectionist. However, comparisons side side against the child's habits, fundamentally speaking, is slowly destroying the child's self-confidence. You know, the child's growth momentum continued from the psychological make the self-affirmation, lack of confidence of the children were not eventually become emboldened, mediocrity.
In addition, the comparisons will also result in the demanding young children lost their sense of security. Children under 4 years old, his mother said if the total to listen to neighbors and colleagues as a child, the psychological pressure will increase, there will be fear of abandonment. When the child grew, and aware of their views and then sub-mother, my mother can not abandon their own, the upward momentum will disappear, this time the child will become Pita, any criticism can not touch him. Even his own mother would be ironic, "not as good as so and so students learned beautiful mother." At this point, as a mother, how will you face this embarrassing situation?
3. Always said, "This is not allowed, that's dangerous"
Sensitive nature of the mother are particularly vulnerable to the safety of the child repeated reminders, nagging. 6-year-old Meng Meng was a typical example: If the mother does not work, she came back from the nursery can only stay at home watching TV with the nanny can not go into the compound, "crazy." Mom always the newspaper led to trafficking of children or care of children maimed poor example to frighten her, over time, become thoroughly Meng Meng "TV children", visitors met with strange not say hello to play, and like a mouse jumped into the small room, not half a day out.
View: to provide excessive protection for the child's mother's eyes, they lack the instinct of self-protection, need to prop up the umbrella of their parents footsteps. She will not think of her words, to her children "everywhere the world is a trap," the illusion, and ultimately the child will have a very extreme personality, temperament closed within one, very timid, and even communication barriers; Secondly, some children grow into is likely to be emboldened after the young, the more you say it is forbidden fruit, the more he felt it was probably delicious. This is very dangerous.
Therefore, instead of over-protection, as provided some basic principles, or let the child know how to protect themselves after a few tips, bold let go and allow the child the greatest possible freedom within the activities of dedicated experience.
4. I hope my friends are all honors
8-year-old Austrian it describes the day her mother: "Mom always want my friends are decathlon honors, will play the piano, swim, will be playing badminton, painting competition also won first prize when his mother discovered ... ... My best friend is just a Zhong Dengsheng, she was extremely disappointed. "If the day length to 15-year-old Austrian, and her mother still does not change, she said:" The mother is a utilitarian who hearts too, so I pay What kind of friends will not tell her. "jam this communication, is it that mothers expect it?
View: strong utilitarian mind want children to be handed mother "example friend", that only handed friends is stronger than the child, can be obtained from a friend. To understand this "friend" word is too narrow, think about your friends contacts on a career in academic or stronger than you? An interesting friend, possibly by his understanding, his witty humor touched us, the children too.
5. Never squat down and I see ant
One of Taiwan's best-selling author, said: her daughter has given me another opportunity to experience the innocence. She called her mother crouch down and restore the instinct of children, child's perspective to see the world, "from the perspective of children in the past, this world more beautiful details, which we adults can not understand that." So do not laugh Some, like the children of teenage mothers and to wear cartoon pullovers, V to catch grasshoppers in the grass, or yelling for the kite's wound, which are playful spirit of the performance. The most boring mother of children in mind is that you call him to the rainbow on a soap bubble, or look at moving army of ants, her glance, it is indifferent to say: "how old you are concerned about such meaningless things? You play the piano yet? English is not listening to the tape? "
Point of view: innocence is often not obliterate the mother the child's true reward - often, is that you lie on the grass with the kids playing tired, the children will take you to see one of his "secret garden", one of only he and a few small partners that place. Them, nothing to fall back here a lot of problems and feelings. He brought my mother here, that he has the most intimate you as "buddy", he is willing to talk about your "private word" the. Enjoy playing with their children, is a mother's heart to open an important way children like Ali Baba's cave, as you read on the "spell", the child's heart will roar, however opened the door.
6. So like to watch full-length TV soap opera
Beibei 9-year-old says she hates her mother to see a long soap opera, each film is 40 to 100 set up, my mother saw her addiction is not playing: "One time we went to the carnival theme parks, playing into the night I will not go away at seven o'clock, my mother lost his temper. so I promised to come home, my mother took the initiative, said to send me two beautiful ceramic dolls as gifts. I know, Mom turn anger to joy, but she Now they can go back and watch soap operas Bale. I'm really sad, do not watch TV more important than the mother I important? "Beibei, said she is the happiest day of power outages at home:" The last two hours of power outage, my mother had to candles, teach us to play the hand shadow games on the wall. "Beibei from want" and then stop it once ", so her disappointment, the power of the opportunities are no longer here.
View: Super TV fans always think their mother stay at home long enough, take care of the children living more than enough, however, in addition to it? Towards the TV through home mom every second to the child, she is not equal to human mind. Therefore, the expert's advice is: family should be set at least two days a week, "Off TV Day", a people together to read, talk or game; daily on the television, it is best to open only a TV, "she should choose TV program and the children watch, you can also see kids circus, magic, music and television categories, with their children view on television programs to watch TV in the activities of the evolution of the parent-child communication platform.
7. Absolutely refused to eat a little bit of loss
Sweet children's activities in the kindergarten class, was behind Xie Yuxin pushed from the slide, the scrape of the brow. Later, the teachers take turns to find "the incident" a small Yuxin talk and let his sweet apology, Yuxin to visit their parents know then sweet again, that if you want the hospital, they pay all expenses. Is a false alarm would have been, sweet head Bondi posted a Band-Aid, has been bleeding pain as a result, the next day was to pick the child's mother learned of the sweet, have to bring the child to the hospital for medical check-up can not, for sweet, "I told Yuxin are good friends, we've been good," "I do not want to go to the hospital injections," sweet mother Nose bridge stand head and said: "Do not check this time, after something has gone wrong who is responsible?" and the words, " My baby fell to so quietly get away now? "
Sweet my mother took to turn a half floor, Children's Hospital, opened a lot of laboratory examination of the list, Yuxin accompanied their parents, the attitude of the two sides together increasingly subtle. This is one of embarrassment, and even the sweet 6-year-old could not see out, go out, she finally whispered complained: "Mom You're a disgrace!" Sweet mother is scratching their heads: Who is a shame now? Reason not we here?
Point of view: we complain about today's kids are more self-centered, more do not know how "wide tolerance" word, we must first review their own: as a mother, we give them "a capacity for large"'s teaching in the What ? Many mothers, from small children to education, "patch of land not to", to "得理不饶人", fundamentally speaking, is to "dare to compete" with the interests of the confusion on the scramble, and that educated the children, it is may be the lack of team spirit children in the future even have skills, because people mean selfish, it is difficult to obtain recognition of the team, and ultimately it is difficult to have a big mark. Why does a slight friction between the child laugh? Let go by the children themselves to deal with conflicts between partners, its future interpersonal skills, will be of great benefit.
8. Speech does not count
Shibuguosan, now 5 years old do not believe that history has been little new mother will take him to Japan Di Sini promised paradise, "my mother is a count of people talking." Thus, when the mother angry at some of the small new act, vowed to punish him, history is also a small new face does not matter, "Mom will forget, she did not even take me Di Sini parks go, how to remember it One week will not let me watch cartoons? "
View: even the five-year-old children will sharply pointed out that her mother bad faith, then why should I word? Always playing the "commitment card" of the mother, whose starting point is right, is to add a little substance to stimulate the progress of their children, so there is power. However, my mother as his "miss it" to find a variety of reasons, kept the positive stimulus commitment step by step disappear.
If the mother is always for their own "miss it" looking for objective reasons, then the children will not do things for themselves will find all kinds of excuses not to find reasons from their own, never apologize and reflect on self. This is what kind of consequences?
9. Of my friends still affectionate to me than
Had one at home birthday party, the 5-year-old Yang Yang then refused to invite the children to open Christmas party the same class, because, "the last cut the cake to the smallest mom gave me a piece." "Took a few photos thirty only took me two. "a few months later, mother filed Yangyang" unfair "in the eyes of tears and round and round, her mother said, it is polite hospitality, said Yang Yang stingy, is "Chief of Pediatrics", Yangyang actually covered their ears and scream, "Anyway I can not play people came to our house, the other kids a result, people became the sun, the mother specifically around people ... I turn ... hate my mother! "
View: the most pro-mother as his "patents" does not allow others to show a close mother (including my father), is unique to young children psychology, this "high-handed" attitude, in fact, young children a way to build a psychological sense of security, the mother was not too worried about this. After a 2-year-old to 5 years old at this stage, from 6 years of age, with the expansion of children's communication circle, and the diversity of emotional sustenance, he will gradually learn to share with the people around her mother's care, his jealousy, but also hours that will not be as intense.
10. Slovenly mother
4-year-old babe every day, asking strange questions, like her father asks: "Mama so fat, why did you marry her?" Mom and Dad looked at each other, do not know this little girl's ghost mind in the thinking; another example, before leaving, babe will remind her mother: "Mom why do not you apply lipstick, do not dye your hair? Why do you always wear jeans and not wearing a skirt? Oh, I know, you must not want to be see your big fat legs. "mom face red with shame, secretly the father said:" It is not only beautiful babe guy to do it with the parents? I'm not old, to think that my daughter actually ugly?
View: the child's cognitive yet mature enough to want to "see through the appearance to the essence", so "judge by appearances" is their forte, children generally want to mother has curly hair, wearing a skirt, chemical makeup, is the envy of small partners, This has nothing to do children's mother's feelings. Therefore, it may be critical for the child's laugh, you run into a good mood, you can also seek their advice: "What color you want my mother to wear a skirt?" Or "Mother of tea you can drink to lose weight, but it may not have strength to hold you, you like it? "If you have a measure of change in accordance with the wishes of children themselves, parents and children will be more harmonious atmosphere among the children in turn, may also be in accordance with the wishes of parents to change their habits. This is not a bad thing.
