"Appreciate " cannot be equal simply at " praise " or " award " , if say hind the good deed that already finished both and morely in the light of the child, acquired is outstanding achievement, the purpose is the opinion that gives the child affirmation; So, the bigger effect of appreciate should be the process that works in the light of the child, process of effort, the purpose is to let the child confidence holds on. Mr. Zhou Hong has a first-rate experience, deserve every parental study. "Always let the child hard, do not yield the benefit with child successful savor always however, does his where come motivation? Let the child taste successful benefit to have a tricks of the trade, might as well call ' enough apple principle ' : Jump, getting quite. Parents must fall in the premise of the achievement before admitting child specific item, admit the difference between the child and child, face the success of child every time and failure, should resemble teaching at first the child talks and walk in that way, confident to future with the hope. Want to be aimed at actual condition of the child, do not decide measure too high, in the range that should get quite in the child surely. Let the child fall to fly happily in successful good sense, crawl adagio only otherwise. " basis of this one principle, we put forward below a few proposals: the first, for child set " little cause " . does not think appreciate must how complimentary child, be aimed at actual condition of the child, for child set " getting quite " little cause, this itself is a kind of significant appreciation, and the appreciate below this kind of circumstance won't arise " side-effect " . has a story: Efficiency of production of employee of a certain steelworks is low. A day, company president inspects to the factory, he enquired the crop that becomes light class worker, one keeps this number beside greatly on blackboard, did not say a word again besides. That evening, evening shift worker sees this number, after the meaning that they know to this number is represented, determination must exceed this output. As expected, the following day early morning, original figure disappeared, on blackboard is new, get much number high, that is the crop of evening shift worker. Day shift worker ill-affected, they worked one day hard, adapted again eventually crop. such, the manufacturing flourishing of the factory. is notable is, in this story, the worker did not score the gain with real what from inside their behavior, just about " jump, getting quite " the passion that the target aroused them and force. Set a likely target. "Jump, getting quite " it is very good appearance. If the child does not need start to be being gotten quite, that lost the sense of the target. But if start will also be not worn quite, that cannot let the child gain success and self-confidence, let the child possibly instead feel depressed. this target how set, the first, parents should have an accurate knowledge to the child's ability and actual condition, avoid by all means is eager to hope for success; The 2nd, should decide together with the child when objective setting, appearance can listen to the child's opinion not only, also can let the child have enthusiasm more; The 3rd, if parents holds to the child's circumstance,forbid, had better discuss with the child's teacher; The 4th, can consider child set it is certain that one should try hard only the end that can get, the target that Mr. Zhou Hong is daughter set is to carry word of the 1000 digit after circumferential rate is decimally on the back, this is a very good example. The target consciousness of child of aggrandizement. Let this target be in child heart take root. Can write the target on the pensile blackboard on the wall for instance, perhaps wrote with chromatic paper stick on the wall. If the target has certain time limit, so give the child again " target calendar " , one day that when the target should finish is indicated significantly. lets child nurturance a habit: Oneself ask a question before sleeping in the late evening: Today, what did I do for my target? Do not ask the child writes down a diary, but encourage the child to be in " target calendar " go up what to write a place or draw. Paint on one piece of smiling face for instance. looks for a competitor to the child. A competitor can invigorate the child greatly, but, how choosing competitor also is a problem, let the child regard a certain classmate as competitor is possible, but not the end is too high, staring at the first every time, can let the child choose a more familiar, achievement slightly good regard competition as the object at his classmate. In the meantime, want to chat with the child more, tell the child " friendship the first " , do not let the child provoke the hostility of pair of competition objects. Letting him child compete with oneself also is very good method. For instance Mr. Zhou Hong trains daughter calculate, give her clutch time every time, let she and oneself compare, and tell a daughter intentionally still, her speed is compared fast. Such, self-confident heart of the child is stronger and stronger. gives proper award after little cause is reached. Award had better be immaterial. For instance, when the dinner that day, the seat that gives the child puts a good-looking pad, let the child be before dinner " deliver a speech " , family person expresses to congratulate. Also can consult the practice above us, let him child give his " award prize " . Perhaps let the child choose a thing that he himself likes to do, see a movie, play computer game, perhaps go Kendeji has a meal. the 2nd, give when the child is hesitant and hesitant support and encourage. appreciate most when producing effect, should be the child thinks " jump " when be afraid of a bit again. At this moment, "Appreciate " it is a strong hand, push forcibly at the back of the child. uses promotive temptation child less as far as possible. The child is not circus wagon animal after all, "Award " although can have the effect, but also regular meeting has side effect. The motive force that we should allow the child is ongoing comes from oneself, is not explicit temptation. stresses the child's potential not overly. Emphasize the child " can go certainly " . This kind of method is used to canal of one part child, and for more cowardly to another some of nature child, the likelihood increased psychological burden instead. sets an example to the child. If you had played a few excitant game, be extended for instance or skip extremely, you can have this kind of experience, that person before you has very big effect to you. If discharge the person in front of you to play very smoothly, and a pair of elated appearance, can be you also jumped jump desire? ; Contrary, if he is afraid of so that want dead, you are afraid also meet some hesitate. The child is more such, to him set an example beautifully, the child's confidence can increase. lets the child envisage. Let the child assume his successful shape, depict this picture meticulously in brains, make it clearer and clearer, clarity arrives as be personally on the scene. This kind of method had gotten affirmation on psychology, it strengthens the person's confidence effectively. removes trouble back at home. Say with the child: "You let go go doing, had done those who calculate you, do those who calculate me bad. " let the child remove the fear to failure, this also is helpful for enhancing the child's courage. stimulates the child. Having a kind of game for instance is to walk along suspension bridge, suspension bridge shakes will shake, do not have armrest again, the child fears. At this moment, parents mights as well foregone goes, say to the child: "If you do not come over, we went. " the condition that allows the child to be in a kind to must rely on him force to overcome difficulty. the 3rd, try when the child fails appreciate. Does appreciate also want when fails? Some parents may indissoluble. Actually, when the child fails, the likelihood needs this weapon more. If at this moment not " appreciate " the child, what the child may get is failure not only, and the depressed state of mind that still failure leaves him, this can compare unsuccessful itself dreariness much. And had this weapon, the child can get a few commendable things from inside failure. does not want the failure of child of dare not or would not speak up. Fail even if fail, how cannot also say failure to succeed, this does not have conviction. In the meantime, also cannot unsuccessful ascribe objective element, the failure that allows child him obverse side, this is the first class, also be very important one lesson. Parents mights as well discuss the case that discusses people failure with the child more, historical story it may not be a bad idea, celebrity is anecdotical it may not be a bad idea, oneself personal experience it may not be a bad idea. Anyhow, let the child know, failure is everyday every ground is in when every those who happen, everybody also can be met. This is the normal of life. lets the child want " what did I get " . Success and failure are not contrary, they are one kind is compared nevertheless, sometimes, the success is more than failing only little. For instance Chen Jingrun calculates " 1 1=2 " , want to say from absolute sense actually, he also did not succeed, because he proves, is " 1 2 " is not " 1 1 " . But, he advanced from that target one stride, so we say he succeeded. and no matter success or failure, be close friends than be not being done completely. Be not done completely even if 0, and should be done only, even if be accomplished only 0.01, also compare 0 should big. Inspire the child, 99.99 what wanting to did not get then, also want that 0.01 what be after all. adjusts the child's mood. Let the child loosen the mood, means is varied of course, listen to music to see a movie play a ball game take a walk etc. Anyhow, let the child place emergence from inside dismay. <
Previous12 Next
